Devil May Cry... to mama

Yes, we still adore the hyper-kinetic demon slashing and shooting that remains as challenging, addictive and frustrating as ever, but other time-locked elements sit less comfortably with a grown-up gaming audience.

Firstly, the new character, Nero, what a petulant little git he is. This kind of 'up himself' knob may go down a storm in New York or Tokyo, but let me tell you that in my house he'd be on 'the naughty step' before he could blink. Even God of War's despicable anti-hero Kratos (pretender to the DMC crown as it is) was a deliciously satisfying character to adventure with; Nero just makes you want to bring back caning.

Devil May Stare

There's also the uncomfortable obsession with women's wobbly bits. Now I like the female form as much as the next man (sometimes more if the wind is in the east), but DMC4's leering, lingering camera angles, barely covered pneumatic nymphets and jiggly physics that would make Mr. Jelly seasick left me feeling I should shower... and not a cold one either.

What's worse I felt slightly embarrassed for being caught playing (and by association spending good money on) DMC4. When my wife wandered in and saw Gloria's tanned crotch being slobbered over by the camera, I blushed like she'd caught me with a 'chubby' during a Baywatch re-run.

God of War handles tits far better (perhaps I should re-phrase that), with far more jubbly on display (nipples and everything!) but the bare flesh is in keeping with the setting and there's a distinct 'they're only breasts!' attitude coming from the art direction. Perhaps these differing attitudes to erotica stem from the age rating of the games, with God of War being 'adults only' and DMC4 available to anyone in a hoodie.*

Devil May Swear

The visual feast offered by next-gen hardware is tasty indeed, but is marred by pausing to load each room/area - something I thought games had also grown out of. Saving is also something firmly rooted in childhood gaming, with an entire chapter (usually complete with kick-ass boss fight) needing to be completed/survived before you can record your progress. You won't be having a 'quick game before Match of the Day starts' with this bad boy, that's for sure.

Perhaps I just need to face facts and accept that like kiss chase, short trousers and wet dreams, I've just out-grown Devil May Cry. The series is still as breathlessly exciting as it ever was, but then so is much of the stuff on Nickelodeon, it's just not aimed at me. So with much sadness, maybe I'll have to turn from the Son of Sarda to the Heir to Ares, Kratos, for a more mature chunk of slice 'n' dice.

*I'd also like to berate DMC4 for making me write three paragraphs on 'top bollocks' and therefore seem just as gazonga-fixated as Capcom's developers are.